I...
You...
We...
Cooey! My Princess!
My little piece of feta!
My darling moussaka!
My vine leaf!
It's me! Your future husband!
Sorry to bother you at this late hour but...
whilst thinking of your beauty, a poem came to me.
I couldn't wait.
I wanna love you
every day and every night
We'll be together
with a roof right over our heads
Is this love?
I always get stuck there.
Sorry, I'm so emotional.
I'll go on.
What a cheeky minx!
See that? Brutus does that to people!
You'll be going home alone tonight.
Coming! My strong arms...
Wow! You're strong, too!
Let's not stop there, baby!
- I'm not decent. - Fine!
I'll continue to climb the ladder to love!
No, Brutus, I'm in my nightdress.
My little piece of feta!
Bye-bye, Brutus.
Go for it!
Who sings in stadiums?
The Rolling Menhirs.
My friends! Come in!
Please excuse my humble tent.
"A true Bedouin entertains under his camel."
A Mesopotamian proverb.
Surprise!
- What's this? - A little present.
You know what we call doings like this in our line of work?
Corruption!
Keep your hair on.
Corruption would be giving you silver.
So what's this?
This... is gold. It's a gift of gold.
We can't really refuse a gift.
No, Mr Brutus! You're knocking at the wrong door!
Honesty, integrity, ubiqui...
Gentlemen, follow me.
We've heard enough!
Hey, fart face!
Here's another offer.
I can have you and your stooges quartered.
We'll take the gold.
We'll take it right now.
Boys, for the wrestling, I won't be needing you.
I have a secret weapon.
The whole ancient world will envy the wrestler we have!
The world's strongest man!
He is scared of neither fear nor pain.
He knocks out 5 oxen for breakfast!
He squeezes juice from coconuts with his bare hands!
A mean machine! A muscle mountain!
I give you Humungus!
Come on, lad! Come on, kiddo!
Come on, sonny! Come to Daddy!
Come on!
Any sudden moves can spook him.
He's in a grumpy mood!
Who's a grumpy boy today!
Calm down!
Humungus and I had a falling-out once. Nothing serious.
But I wanted him quartered.
Anyhow, this lad's joints are so strong...
the horses were torn in two from the effort.
Impressive, huh?
Right, Humungus, my boy?
Ungawa!
- Has he eaten? - Three times.
It's out there.
Go, Humungus!
Mincemeat time!
An athlete's heart...
We should give him a drop of the potion.
Rome wins!
- Bravo who? - Brutus!
Next!
This crowd! This atmosphere!
An audience worthy of my talent!
I have to sing!
Don't you dare!
A tiny drop...
What's wrong with you two?
Obelix, no cheating!
Cacofonix, no singing! Is that clear?
Rome wins!
Excuse us.
Excuse us for being the best.
Caesar finds these games most amusing.
Smash the Gaul to a pulp
and I'll cover you with gold. Gold!
You're an animal, Humungus!
And this maybe?
All right.
We're going to win!
Go on! Go for it!
You'll see!
- Go! - For Irina.
Lovesix! Fear not, you can come to my wedding.
Return the favour and invite me to your funeral!
Turn round!
Behind you!
Get up! Stand!
Still, he took the fewest blows.
Rome wins by default!
Excuse me.
Brutus wins!
Asterix!
I'll waste you!
That's not allowed!
What's he doing?
Look at him!
He's cheating!
I gave it all I've got.
What's wrong? Is there a problem?
Brutus wins!
No problem.
It's hopeless. Even when he loses, he wins.
Well? Julius...
Happy? A fine victory!
I'm impressed by the grandeur of Rome!
Brutus may well win
but the whole Empire will mock Rome because of his cheating.
- No one cheated! - I'm talking to Dad.
Julius Caesar will be the Olympic champion in all-out farce!
Want him impaled? Fed to the lions?
Or cut...
Such audacity for a mere Gaul!
You dare to defy Caesar!
Very rash of you. Lions have devoured others for less.
Well said, Dad! I'd have him quartered!
You say Rome cheated?
The spectators are disappointed?
Lowly Gaul, Brutus is not Rome.
Caesar has always respected the desires of conquered peoples.
You want a test of valour and courage?
Without potions or corrupt judges?
You want blood, sweat and tears?
Caesar cancels all previous contests
and decrees that the winner
will be he who wins the last event:
The chariot race!
Cut it out!
Sandal-licker!
What's this thing?
Since Caesar is in love with his image, his image will be his downfall.
How does it work?
This mirror has a frame filled with poison darts.
When the victim steps in front of the mirror,
the mechanism releases the darts, causing instant death.
Instant?
If the dial's on "instant death". There's "hideous agony",
"death alone on the couch"...
I know! Help me. We'll put it there.
Dad! How are you?
Meet Covadinpoo.
Covadinpoo... JC, Julius Caesar, my dad.
Covadinpoo is a mirror cutter.
He has made this gift.
Covadinpoo, tell him about your gift!
You made it, you're the best man to talk about it.
O very great...
O hugely terrifically immense Caesar!
- Ave, me! - Enough!
Well, you see, Caesar, it's...
It's a mirror. But not just any mirror.
What is a mirror to Caesar?
Since Caesar... is beauty?
But not just any beauty! Not beauty...
Beauty at its most beautiful!
I felt a mirror could not
reflect an image more beautiful than Caesar's beauty.
That's impossible since no one is more beautiful!
- Impossible, right? - Impossible.
Then again, its reflection couldn't be less beautiful
than Caesar's beauty, even to flatter Caesar,
because that would insult Caesar's beauty.
And that's why I decided
to create a mirror that would reflect...
Oops, sorry.
...that would reflect Caesar's beauty perfectly.
- Something like... - A mirror!
It's like a mirror...
to look at yourself in.
- Shall I uncover it? - Uncover it.
I'm not worthy of being reflected in this mirror.
I shall leave you with your most Caesarly reflection.
Father, may this modest mirror bring you eternal serenity.
- Ave, father! - Go on...
Look at yourself! You're the fairest of 'em all.
Go on!
Mirror tester!
Stay on the scene
Like a sex machine
Listen, we should kidnap the Gauls' druid
and force him to give us his potion.
Really? How will you do it?
We can't cheat anymore.
Who asked you?
Silenceus, did we ask him?
So zip it! Shut up!
- What's that? - An elixir of invisibility.
To kidnap Getafix during the druids' convention.
Gluteus Maximus, drink it.
I've got a bit of a stomach upset.
What a pity. That must be painful.
- A little. - I quite understand.
- Better now? - Much better.
Drink it.
It doesn't work.
And now, go, Gluteus Maximus.
Go fetch.
No, we're going with him.
And now, here is Numeric
from the Black Forest.
Dear druid friends, dear colleagues.
I invented an elasticity potion.
Could four strapping druids lend a hand?
Go on, pull.
Pull. Yeah, pull!
Go on, pull!
There we are.
That's what I call elasticity.
What was the plan?
Here's the situation. You have us and the druids.
Triangulation. We spread out.
We corroborate. More or less.
- And we localise. - Meaning?
Well, it's very simple. In topographical terms...
Enough! Gluteus Maximus, grab him!
You can let go now.
- What's wrong? - He's in the way.
Honestly! Come here, boy.
Asterix! Obelix! My friends!
Getafix has been taken.
An invisible force has kidnapped your druid!
- During our convention! - What's the world coming to?
Invisible force? Are you sure?
As sure as I'm standing here.
If Dogmatix sniffed something Getafix had touched,
do you think he could find him?
He was in your way!
Mr Dogmatix, Mr Asterix is sorry. That OK?
What should he sniff?
Find Getafix!
Go on.
- What's he up to? - He's asking his pals for the way.
Lie down!
He's found it.
- I'll stay here. - Good idea.
I need to be rested for my audience.
I would go no doubt, but the artist in me can't.
Sorry.
Good boy! Come here, fella.
Yes, Gauls?
My friends, about time!
Are you OK?
I said I couldn't make the potion without bat's spit.
They'll torture me...
Hurting a druid for some potion?
Give some to everybody!
Everyone'll be equal, and I can compete!
You're a genius!
Since the Romans want this potion, we'll give 'em some!
- That's what I meant. - Good idea, Asterix.
First time I've seen anyone get beaten up by a bat!
If the druid doesn't cooperate, he'll be quartered.
Only he knows the recipe.
True.
- The guards! - The tent! The druid!
What did I tell you? He's made his magic stew!
He cracked. Druids are dumb as hell!
Why did he leave the cauldron?
I haven't a clue.
He drank some, then knocked out 2 guards.
I'd have done the same.
It must be a trap.
Good thinking.
Taste it.
- Why not him for once? - Fair point.
- Thirsty? - Not now.
Oh, yeah? Go on.
Well?
Nothing.
- Hit someone. - Who?
Not him.
- You! - Why me?
I've been itching to see this!
Me too.
- Covadinpus... - Not with that, you'll break it.
Yes! It works! It works!
We've got the magic potion!
I'll win the Olympics and lots more!
I shall become...
Master of the World!
The sand is damp. The terrain will be very heavy.
- What are you doing? - Horse-whispering. You never know.
Your wheels have 5 hoops.
You'll have more grip.
Sounds like a good plan. We'll beat them.
OK, let's go.
You don't want them around but it's hard getting rid of these things.
You can eat them.
Them, not me. I'm the boss. So it's not...
Can we talk it over?
Go ahead, eat!
No. You first!
Me?
Your turn.
Come on! Shut up and eat.
Disgusting.
- Not bad at all! - Tasty.
May the sand of the arena
turn red with the blood of the vanquished!
Ave, Caesar!
Enjoy it while you can, Dad.
Look at him! It won't last.
Lovesix!
That hurt.
Hey, Greek!
Check your axle!
I gave it a going-over first!
Ciao!
I don't believe it!
2ND LAP
Good, Michael. 100 grains of sand ahead.
Go, Lovesix. You're the best!
Lovesix! Lovesix!
Was it wise giving the potion to Brutus?
Be patient, Obelix...
Patient? For now, Lovesix is last.
What? He's in the lead and he stops?
Maybe someone changed the rules.
A crucial moment, guys.
Jean, I need more grip.
The double-grip wheels!
No more pit-stops. Over to you, Michael.
Let's go, guys.
300 grains of sand. Good work, guys!
4 horsepower isn't bad. Lend me a few parts?
Bye, you Hun!
Cheat!
No way!
Who's the best?
Call this a chariot race? I call it a circus. Pathetic!
I'm taking note!
Bring on the empty horses! Fast!
My beloved!
Brutus!
What?
What the...
To encourage him.
Thanks, Jean!
- Obelix! - What?
- Stop that chariot! - Why? It's empty!
Exactly! Come on!
- Just do it! - Right!
Perfect!
Go, my babies!
What's he doing?
You just don't get it.
He can't beat Lovesix!
Spanish chariot, go!
Hey, Lovesix, who's champ now?
Stop!
Sheepskin?
Where is he? Where's Dogmatix?
Sorry, Obelix, I was with a fan.
Dogmatix has gone!
Don't blame me! I didn't even sing!
Dogmatix?
Praetorians, the race is nearly over. So what's the plan?
The VIP stand. Us.
Infiltrate. Surround. Caution.
Then I say, as we rehearsed, "You're under arrest!"
Who? Us?
No, not you!
Brutus?
No, not Brutus!
Lovesix!
Jump!
Remember. Above all, finish the race!
Thanks, Asterix!
Obelix! There he is!
- Where? - There!
Dogmatix! Stronger than summer love!
- More serious too. - You said it.
It's a plot! I arrest Caesar and get covered in gold.
And us?
I don't recall any mention of you guys.
You heard that? A plot against Caesar!
Gluteus Maximus!
Cut me free, you fool!
Gently!
See you, Brutus!
Outta the way!
You'll fart fire with this! Open up!
Not bad, huh?
This'll power you up!
Take it. It's good stuff!
Go, Lovesix! Go!
Louder! I can't hear you!
Brutus!
WINNER
Louder!
There you go! Brutus has won the Games.
And Greece wins a prince. Caesar is happy.
He found these games most amusing.
They may not last 2,000 years but they certainly are amusing.
Everything's fine.
Objection!
Complaint!
Protest!
I accuse Brutus of using a magic potion conferring superhuman powers!
Me? I cheated?
You're nuts, little man! Brutus needs no magic potions!
First, I can't make a magic potion.
Second, I don't know a druid who can make one.
And, third, I've won. So, zip it!
So, zip it!
A Greek princess cannot marry a cheat.
I demand that Brutus take the beetlyser test!
Who asked her?
I'd be delighted to, myrtle berry.
I'll take any test you like.
Sacrilege!
The beetles have vanished!
That's a bummer.
What can I say? We wanted to help...
Really, Brutus? Actually, we don't need the beetles.
Our druid coloured the magic potion to trap cheats
like you!
That's why your horses' tongues are blue!
Like yours!
A blue tongue? That's ridiculous! Let's get serious here!
If you want my hand, stick your tongue out at me.
I can't, my sweet. It would be rude.
Better than that!
All the way!
Hail to the Gauls!
We are the champions!
Couldn't you have said so?!
Up, Gaul!
That's the last straw!
No hard feelings, Mr Brutus?
At least you tried.
Village People, not now!
Mr Brutus, there's a plot against your dad!
- Romans! - Dressed in black!
Maybe we should help him out.
You have a moustache. I never noticed.
You're under arrest!
That's right, Dad!
Unlucky in sport, lucky in inheritance!
- It was Brutus! - That's terrible.
Caesar's dead! Brutus is born!
Long live Brutus the First!
Seize him!
I said, seize him!
Seize him, Tenacius!
Nice games, weren't they? Very relaxing.
When I said, "Seize him"...
I was joking. I meant, "Help him up."
Really?
That's not a slap, Mr Caesar.
Who asked you, bozo?
May I?
That's a slap.
Thank you, Gaul.
We must render unto Gaul that which is Gaul's.
The race and the Olympic Games
were won by the team
of Gallo-Romans!
Thank you! Thank you, people!
As King Obnoxias is a man of his word,
Irina and Lovesix's wedding is held in Greece,
together with all the Gauls
who made the journey specially
and all the VIPs of the ancient world,
3 - 2!
Edifis is here!
- I ' m glad to see you! - My pal!
Good to see you!
Getfixed!
Great to see you.
Edifis!
Hamsterixm!
Wrong!
It's funny...
You're more handsome.
It's true. I swear.
Good to see you.
I hear you won.
Yes! Let me tell you...
We started with the potion.
Then, they said...
Mrs Geriatrix - Edifis.
- He's Cleopatra's personal architect. - Well said.
Hi, Edifis.
Hi, ladies.
Excuse me, my friends.
Let a pro do this if you don't mind.
I want to introduce a fellow bard.
You'll see, he's mega.
Hairix Bardix.
Hey, Olympix!
Please give him a very warm welcome.
My love!
Gentlemen, let me show you
the new prototype of feet-ball.
I've done all kinds.
I built the Taj Halal.
Heard of it? It's in Papua.
What's in it?
There's nothing in it.
It's a round haggis.
The Tower of Pisa... that was me.
OK, it tilts to one side. It's a concept.
It'll never work.
I can build an abode for your lady friends. Not funny?
It'll never work. I'll give you "lt'll never work"!
You'll see if it'll never work.
Hey, Asterix!
What did I tell you?
That is bat-ball.
You're a sportsman?
Yes, of course, on several occasions.
Show me what you can do.
OK.
With the ball.
OK...
That turn you on?
- That all? - "That all"?
What do you want?
- Zidanis... We've been cousins for? - Too long.
- You're Egyptian, too. - I'm not.
You dressed me in this crap.
I bought you nice hair. Like it?
Yes, I like the hair.
That's down to me.
Get off my pyramids.
You get off my pyramids! I'm onto something big.
Like always with you! And we get the crap.
Finders keepers, losers weepers!
"Losers weepers"!
Tough!
Look, isn't that Olympic material?
Amazing foot work.
He looks like a pro.
He's not about to retire. Huh, Grandpa?
Want it?
There you go!
That's good.
Hold on. I'll call it hands-ball.
Edifis! Good to see you.
Can I have it?
Look, Michael Jordanus.
You're cruisin' for a bruisin'!
Please, mister, can I have my ball back?
So, are you sure we were a hit?
A hit-ette.
Stop sulking.
- Yes or no? - Yes.
Kiss!
- No, people can... - Kiss!
...see us. - I said, kiss!
- I'm Edifis. - Now!
Now!
There!
The Olympics weren't bad, huh?
Well, you can't beat a good wild boar hunt.
Hey, Brutus! You said you'd cover us in gold.
We're just covered in chains.
I never said that. You misunderstood me.
Silence!
Caesar needs peace and quiet
to admire his imperial reflection.
Hey, you two!
Row faster and silently!
You too, my son.
Ave, Dad.
Ave, me.